Creative Ways to Make Use of Your College Diploma

A college diploma is a wonderful keepsake. There it is in your hands, the product of thousands (hundreds if you're like me) of hours of work and sometimes up to hundreds of thousands of dollars. They come in that roll with the cute little ribbon tying it off, giving it that air of importance that comes from the days when people tied important documents in ribbons before adjourning to don a three-cornered hat and kill some uppity Indians with their fire-death sticks.

But college graduates soon learn that not everything that looks important actually is important. The economy is apparently in such a shambles that not even Dick Cheney's cardiologist can cure it. In these trying economic times, many graduates have taken to applying for jobs that don't require a college degree. I have inquired about job opportunities from Cold Stone Creamery where, if my application is accepted, I will be singing like a vaudeville prostitute every time someone drops a nickel in the tip jar.

So, in light of all of these developments, does it turn out my college education was a waste of time? Of course not! I still have the diploma, and there are all sorts of uses that can come out of that. I can line the bottom of my birdcage with it so that every time my beautiful cockatoo Fifi makes a doo-doo, the mess and odor will be absorbed by my broken dreams. God bless America.