A Dip into the Hate Mail, Part 1 in a Series

So when I first made this blog I consulted a few web sites on how to promote it. What they basically said was ride another site's coattails until yours develops its own following. So that's what I attempted to do on the AV Club message boards, which are in my humble opinion the best message boards in creation. My strategy would be to cite this blog both on the top and the bottom of each post. Simple as that.

Apparently to some people, internet self-promotion is akin to tossing a small child out out of a moving car. I will attempt to re-create what transpired on this fateful message board. For a complete and unadulterated view, click here.

My first post was in response to a previous post, and read as follows:

RE: Getting them
by draincleaner.blogspot.com
I agree, and commend the thoughtful firstie. It really was a nice, sweet movie--kind of like a girl that would be really attractive if only she said something interesting once in a while, and is therefore only moderately attractive. draincleaner.blogspot.com
2:34 AM Mon August 18, 2008

Admittedly a pretty stupid post. How stupid do the others find it (and everything I do for that matter)? Let's find out:

RE: Getting them
by The R-Word
Oren, your blog sucks. Please refrain from using these comments to advertise your stupid fucking blog. Thank you.
3:02 AM Mon August 18, 2008

This one brought me back to high school:

RE: Getting them
by Jorge Von Salsa
You keep fishing for readers with that BS URL signoff, brother, and it's going to make you less and less popular.
3:16 AM Mon August 18, 2008

It was good Jorge reminded me of this, because sometimes I forget to care about what anonymous strangers think of me.

And one more for good measure:

RE: Getting them
by J. Goo
Draincleaner: That was a nice, sweet post - kind of like a relentlessly self-promoting jagoff that would be vaguely tolerable if only he said something interesting once in a while, and is therefore the worst person in the world. yououghtagargle.draincleaner.blogspot.com
4:12 AM Mon August 18, 2008

Here is where I respond with what I think is a fairly reasonable defense:

RE: Getting them
by draincleaner.blogspot.com
It must be tough being you guys, being forced to read my blog and my posts. Oh wait, you're not being forced. Why are you complaining again? draincleaner.blogspot.com
4:21 AM Mon August 18, 2008

And the counter-argument:

RE: Getting them
by Bob On This
I'm complaining because you seem to think it's okay to promote your blog on these comment boards. Everybody else here exercises restraint and does not pervert this forum to serve the interests of their business or hobby. You have repeatedly violated decorum here. So fuck the hell off.
4:43 AM Mon August 18, 2008

RE: Getting them
by Lemur
Because even the name of your blog is fucking stupid.
4:49 AM Mon August 18, 2008

RE: Getting them
by Confucius.fakeblogspot.com
Man who promotes blog on AV Club looks in mirror to find only friend, looks in palm of hand to find only girlfriend. confucius.fakeblogspot.com
5:10 AM Mon August 18, 2008

Just for the record, I have over 400 facebook friends, and I've had sex (with women) like 10 times, so yeah, nice try.

Here's where I give up and concede the fight to the haters:

RE: Getting them
by draincleaner.blogspot.com
I am terribly sorry I offended you people. I will, from now on, post as ChairFace. Thank you for your ridicule and obsenities [sic].
7:15 AM Mon August 18, 2008

So this does not end the ridicule of me, but it does make it more clever and a little less childish. Let's look:

RE: Getting them
by Johnny Hildo
Would anybody here like to start their own business *and* make six figures in the next year? Ask me how, visit my site at Amway.com!or are is it called Confederated Products?
7:53 AM Mon August 18, 2008

RE: Getting them
by phel
I made $6,000 this week, and from home! I must be crazy! Crazy like a fox! Visit my website: www.kdghiuontekaicrazyfox73ihilgheialnsitjslg.com
8:31 AM Mon August 18, 2008

RE: Getting them
by Jorge Von Salsa
I can't take ChairFace seriously until he writes his URL on the lunar landscape with a giant laser.
9:14 AM Mon August 18, 2008

And then people start posting using my name to shore up a bit more hate:

RE: Getting them
by ChairFace
Hey, everyone should check out this awesome blog: draincleaner.blogspot.com
9:09 AM Mon August 18, 2008

And finally:

RE: Gravity Train
by Seriously Guys
You're all a bunch of pussies.
2:21 PM Mon August 25, 2008

I am, of course, not the first person to be panned on the internet for trivial reasons. The plot of the Kevin Smith movie Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is basically about two gentlemen who wish to stop the filming of a movie so that posters on MoviePoopShoot.com will stop berating them. A line at the end of the movie, delivered by Jason Lee, sums internet insults up succinctly: "That's what the internet is for: slandering others anonymously." Or, in other words:

RE: Getting them
by maddog
Elton John is fab-o! I'm a Rocket Maaaaaaaan. Something somethin, somethin be a long long time. Looking forward to more of this featurette. if you've got the nerve to promote your blog so obnoxiously, at least grow some balls and weather the inevitable attack.
9:56 AM Mon August 18, 2008

That might just be some good advice, considering the day all these events transpired saw my blog's highest traffic since its inception. Hopefully, with a little legwork, I can make a series out of my hatemail. Stay tuned for more.